Thoughts and Jokes or Not

At the end of January/beginning of February I had a to admit to myself that I had a fairly serious bout of depression.

I made some jokes about suicide at work and my boss got this scared, freaked out look in his eye. Later I realized exactly what I said and why, in many ways, it wasn't that funny.

Later than that, I realized that the jokes were less jokes than I thought. I was thinking about suicide ALL the TIME. I couldn't stop.

I mentioned the jokes to one person, presented as jokes. I think they knew I was having troubles, but not the seriousness. I have trouble confessing this, because my Dad was committed once and I don't exactly know why. I worry it was something like this.

I ended up going out a lot. Talking to alot of people. Just about stuff in general. It really helped my out. I share some of my feelings on some topics and don't feel so alone.

I even asked out the boy(man? I feel at an awkward age for this) I liked. He wasn't interested, but I tried and now I can stop harboring a useless crush and try other avenues. It's better to know.

I realized today, reading another blog, I feel really good now. I'm out of the woods, at least for now. I'm worried about this other person, though. I don't know them that well, but they seem to be coming unglued. I hope that I didn't contribute to this. There was some small interaction that could have had an effect. I don't think it would have touched all this off though.

People should have warning labels if they are that unstable. I usually show it in my eyes. Somehow, it makes me more attractive to the opposite sex as well.